|Everything Was Beautiful|
|i wish i could be singing these songs for you instead of about you. but the hole we've made opens sight to everything that i'll never have. and i'd give up everything that follows this just to not have to sing them.|
|How to Hang Yourself|
|i want time to cry. i want time to lie down. i want time to fall away from this. i want time to brood. i want time to be hopeful. i want time to try to get you back. but i don't want any time alive if it's gonna be like this. and now, your body is fictional in my mind. and nothing at all in my hands. your heart - if it's still left - is a glass box i've tried my best to fill with the only good things i can remember. i know you really don't think about me much anymore. but you're all i can put in my head. there is nowhere to go. i have all the time in the world. and it keeps me tied to you. so stop laughing at me.|
|that was the time when, if i hadn't been so stupid and distant i could have saved us. we drove there, and i didn't want to stay. anxious to get back to my solitude. how stupid to want to be away from you. driving a way from the greatest comfort i'd ever had. watching you say "goodbye," and "i love you." i am so stupid. i was so FUCKING stupid. i was SO FUCKING STUPID. and God, i love you. God i love you.|
|my fingers are falling apart now 'cause i can't talk to you. we've fell into this pattern of returning the hurt. i know the more i try desperately to let you know how much i'm trying the further away i push you. i feel like i'm losing you. i feel like i'm losing any chance. and why do you tell me to let go? i will
|There Is No Getting Through|
|i only want to fall asleep. i want to wake and have all the pain be gone. God, knock me out, and please change everything while i sleep. i wish that i didn't feel this way. i just want to fall asleep. and if it can't be with you, then it might as well be permanent. God save me. God give me. or just let me fall asleep.|
|You're a Book I'll Never Finish|
|if i could show you what i would have given up in the last hours to spend, instead in your company. in your warm arms. what is there that i still need outside of you? i've broken it all down: and i ultimately love by nothing other than my heart.
|I Should Throw Myself Under A Train|
|i'll throw myself under a train. it's not funny. it's not feeling sorry. nor am i asking you to. but some feelings never end. it's not funny when you feel this low. i'll throw myself under a train. it's not funny.|
|Strength Is My Weakness|
|if, when all i have left to do, is to force myself to hate you to get over you... if, when all i have left, is to become callous to every feeling i have about you to get over you... then i don't want to live, because i can never hate you. no matter how bad you hurt me, i will never hate you. but, if i live, then so does my love for you. and that creates a sadness that makes my heart and my life unlivable. i don't want to become cold again, just so i can get over you. i did that before and i nearly lost myself. i nearly lost myself. if, when everything falls away and all i have left is to force myself to hate you to get over you, even then i still won't, though living like this is unbearable. then i guess i can't live anymore, because i could never hate you. i will never hate you.
|I Am the Last|
|i'll live the rest of my short life trying to prove my self-less love. that in some backwards and unhealthy, but beautiful way i care more about you than myself. you could learn a lesson not to build your world up around you, because when we go, our hearts are the only thing left. i've got to show that i can hold my love up no matter how bad i want to leave. because i care more to show you my love than to free myself or make my life better. maybe i'm wrong- maybe i'm selling myself short. but that's what i'm here for. when your world falls down i'll be one of the only two things that you can fall back on.
|Everyone Will Eventually Leave You|
|you have made me want my last days now, by pulling out the ground i was on. my faith in you, i told you, would be the last to try and make me believe in love. and i prayed. i hoped. i would cut my throat if that would make it all pull through. if i could know love was forever i'd breathe that in and die the next moment with the greatest smile. the smile i've always wanted. the smile i'd cut my hands off for. the greatest smile. the smile i've always wished i could have. the smile i'd burn my eyes out for. i hope i'm wrong. God, i hope im wrong.|
|How To Bury Yourself|
|my life's divided differently now. i've cut the way i see things into sections of hours and days. sections between the few times i still see you. sections between when my heart breaks and i stop breathing. i fill the time between seeing you by thinking about you. and i fill the minutes that i see you thinking about how to get away. and make this sadness go away. i've filled my whole self with bittersweet... and nothing can confuse or take apart your heart more. i'll never get out, will i? if you could just fix this...|
|The Safety In Overglorifying the Past|
|what is there left that we could save? if we could forget everything, and put to rest all the water under our bridge. then there would be only love left. and that's all we ever wanted. hope is like this for me. and tell me, do you ever think this way, too?|
|The Last Time I Left|
|will this ever be over? the day that i die i'll still be trying to sort it all out. to get this all out of my mind, even though that's the last thing my heart really wants. and all the friends in the world, and all the time... all the things i could do to distract me from you will not. all the love from another hand greased with a world i'm so unfamiliar will i will never want to know because it gets me no further away from you. the last time i left i was kissin' your kitchen floor goodbye. and i spent way too much time just lying in your bed like we used to do; but this is the last time. and all the friends in the world. and all the time... all the things i could do to distract me from you will not. all the love from another hand greased with a world i'm too unfamiliar with i will never want to know because it gets me no further away from remembering you.
|my eyes hurt. my eyes hurt and my throat hurts.
|The Hook Through It|
|it still hangs there in my head. it won't end. like a dead bird in the air that just won't fall to the ground. i could run away to moneta, wyoming. or red lodge, montana. or maple grove, minnesota. but i can't let go. we're connected for good, ain't we? when will this tether be gone? and my memories twist into fantasies that, like a moron, i think have possibilities. i could go to antarctica and bury my head and what's left of my heart in the snow, but my love just wont go. am i sick? or were we meant? am i being fucked with by demons? is it me that's acting evil? am i in the right? or am i wrong? or is this just how love is?|
|The Great Barrier|
|the sun is shining in my eyes. and all it makes me think of is you. i used to think it was redder than you. sometimes i feel it's not that much better than you, because all it shows is the holes that are left that you no longer occupy. if you only knew how bad i wish i could shut off my feeling like you do. i used to think that my belly was the only one you'd wrap your legs around. but now i know the hard truth that all dreams come way too ungently back to reality. but in my heart, i have all of these things that you just won't see until you open yours again.
|Forget It. I Give Up. Goodbye. I Love You.|
|hope is the only thing you can have when trying to recover. all the time in the world can't fix a thing. i'll just end up fooling myself. and that's the only way to get through - is to forget. but forgetting the facts does not change them. it won't change them. there is no getting through unless my world turns back around. and the only chance for that lies within hope. it lies in hope. tiny and weak. almost trickery. it fills every inch of my body inside, but it's nearly nothing everywhere else. it's the only drop of water i can place in this desert and pray something grows. i'll die holding my breath. i'll die hoping.